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Nov. 16th, 2011

i have pretty much made a bloody mess of my recovery. im not puking (much yet) but im not exactly eating much either.

 

ive been a pretty bad friend both to people on lj and the real world. i just cant seem to stick to reality and grasp words properley written or heard drunk or not...

 

im sorry guys i am an arsehole to everyone at the moment.

 

im turning into a deceptive bitch again. like fuck anyone who takes me on and wants to bring up my mental health (or lack of) ...

 

i spent a year in ip. i didnt go there to watch myself fuck ip to the highest degree less that 2 years later... if mess up this time where have i got left to go for help?

 

my battle to get help last time was horrendous. im the poster girl yes. but really despite my temporary.lovely story. in all honesty they will.stop believing in me... and the worst thing is that my cpn as.amazing as she is has.no.idea of.my history nor what is happening right now.

 

thats all.said. but.as.much as i am trying so hard now to curb the relapse and really fight for myself i dont even think i want help. in all honesty i dont think i can live long term without an eating disorder...

 


whats your confession? x

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

Comments

( 2 comments — Inspire Someone! )
misspriss_dg
Nov. 17th, 2011 02:28 pm (UTC)
I have lived with my ed for over 20 years now, been ip/op time and time again. I know now that I cannot live without it.
It is part of who I am.
Not saying that with any amount of pride, just plain fact.
Day by day, good luck to you.
healthyfigure
Nov. 17th, 2011 05:17 pm (UTC)
I've been IP over and over again, but i thought i'd made it this time. I really did think i was going to stay on the right side of okay.
( 2 comments — Inspire Someone! )

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